“Am I a good parent?” Do you ask this question to yourself? And for any reason, you feel guilty for doing or not doing something for your child. Parents often face this emotion of parental guilt that makes them feel inadequate. After becoming a parent, there are a lot of responsibilities on a parent’s shoulders. Every parent has their own journey to travel. They learn from each fall. They cheer for reaching each milestone of their child. So its not about how perfect the journey, but how happy are you while traveling. This post is all about celebrating parenthood and letting go the parental guilt.
What is Parental Guilt?
Parental guilt is a state of feeling depressed when not capable of meeting all the parental expectations. It is not at all helpful as it channelize your entire energy towards negativity. It gives you a constant feeling of being a bad parent for your child.
You start judging yourself very harshly and stay unkind to yourself. This affects you and your child both. You always think you are an incapable parent. You don’t see yourself as a so-called “supermom of social media.” You feel torn between all the responsibilities of life. You label yourself as an incapable mom. It’s time to take yourself out from this guilt and enjoy the blessed life of parenting.
Causes Of Feeling Guilty As A Parent.
Researches and studies show there are many factors that contributes to parental guilt like :-
- One of the main cause is believing the myth of being a perfect parent. This perfectionism doesn’t exist in the parenting dictionary.
- Trying to set unrealistic expectations as a parent. No one can deny that parenting is a full time job. So you have to accept the fact that you can’t do everything by yourself.
- Sometimes external pressure from family, society and culture also makes you feel insufficient for your child.
- Single parenting often causes parental guilt. All the responsibilities of parenting fall on a single person without much support from others.
Effects of Parental Guilt On Mental Health.
Parental guilt can have adverse effect on both parent as well child. Parent’s state of being guilty can bring disappointment in child’s life, that will impact their confidence. This emotional burden will create clashes in the family. The guilt of not doing everything for child will take away the present moment of your parenthood. You will simply loose interest from everything around you. Though guilt originate from parent’s overwhelming love for their child but it leads to depression and negativity. Keep reading the post to know more about the causes of parental guilt and strategies to overcome it.
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Strategies For Overcoming Parental Guilt.
Feeling guilty as parent is very common but we should try not to fall in this guilt trap. Every parent wants to do the best for their child. However, that desire should not lead to path of guilt. If you feel insufficient or incapable as a parent, talk about it. There are many ways to deal with parental guilt.
1)Be Compassionate to yourself
Don’t always judge yourself for being right or wrong. Feel your emotions, embrace each and every moment whole heartedly. Just remind yourself you know the best for your child and you are doing the best.
2)Avoid comparing yourself with other parents
Everyone has their own shoes to walk, we can’t know how it feels in their shoes. So never compare yourself with other parents. Specially the filtered parenting pics of social media. Understand that reel is very different from real. No two individuals are same so as children, they are all different. So have faith in yourself and believe that you are doing the best possible thing for your child’s wellbeing.
3)Setting realistic expectations
Don’t waste your energy in earning the title of perfect parent, as it doesn’t exists. Be practical and set realistic expectations. Just be yourself. Before parent, you are an individual and you can make mistakes and its okay. I believe in this journey of parenting, I have learned a lot with my child. It is quite normal that everything doesn’t go according to the plan but that doesn’t mean you are not capable.
4)Don’t hesitate to ask help
Whether you are a stay-at-home mom or going out to work, don’t stress yourself too much. Taking care of a child with other household chores and meeting office deadlines seems to be overwhelming sometimes. And it’s not written anywhere that if you are a parent, you have to do each and everything by yourself. Save your energy and time for kids, organize your tasks and take help whenever you need. Don’t exhaust yourself with unnecessary works, take help and enjoy your time.
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5)Practice forgiveness
Affirm yourself that it’s okay to make mistake, you may not know everything in this journey of parenting. Choose to forgive your mistakes and learn from the experiences. Practicing forgiveness not only extend positive energy to you but also teaches your child the habit of forgiveness. They will learn to let go the grudges and develop good mental health. It will surely help you to keep your inner peace.
6)Be in touch with supportive people
Don’t stay aloof from everyone. Be in touch with friends or relatives who you feel are supportive. Sometimes you need people by your side to share your experiences or what you are going through. Sharing your moments of joys and meltdowns with your loved ones will make you feel light and stress free.
Letting Go Perfectionism In Parenting.
While wrapping up one thing that you should never forget is that nothing is perfect. Kids not at all bother for perfectionism. So don’t dwell on the meaningless parental guilt, come out of it and focus to little wins you have everyday. Your child won’t stay child for ever. And you will surely miss their childhood once they grow up.
BBC have shared many parents’ experiences of parent guilt. The article has very nicely explained that all days are not same for parents. So we should always focus on the good side. The desire to do best for your child is good but it should not be too much. So make some time for yourself. The happier you are, the happier your kids will be !!
