Are you doing things just to make other people happy and you cross boundaries to make them feel good? Are you seeking for validation? If this sounds similar to your situation, then you are not alone. Many people around us gets exhausted in doings things to please others. This action of human behavior is known as people-pleaser. There is nothing wrong in helping others or making others happy but not by putting pressure on yourself to create an ideal image to please people. As a result this will create inexorable situation of low self-esteem and burden to meet other’s satisfaction level. So stop being a people-pleaser and read this article to know how to deal with this situation.
What is a people-pleaser?
This is a trait of a human being of pleasing other people at the cost of their own happiness and well-being. When people forget their own limits and go out of that just in fear of being disliked by others is termed as people-pleaser. Being helpful and pleasing people are very much different. Helping others in need is different from always trying to please others just to being liked by them. People-pleaser just say yes to everything and everyone.
Signs of a people-pleaser
Are you or someone around you is people-pleaser? Here are the common characteristics of a people-pleaser.
- It is difficult to say “no” to anyone.
- And in case if you have to say “no” to others, you feel guilty for that.
- It is difficult to set a boundary for yourself.
- You start doing things for others that you don’t want to do.
- You are not able to share your own thoughts and opinions.
- You are concern and apologetic for little things that doesn’t have anything to do with you.
- You accept others proposal unwillingly as you are scared of being labeled as selfish.
- You suffer from low self-worth and always looking for external validation.
Why you should stop trying to please everyone?
People pleasing can be a serious problem if it is not checked before hand. As constant effort of pleasing people have many drawbacks that impacts your life in a negative way. When you try to make other’s happy without giving least importance to your emotional well being, you start depriving yourself from mental peace and happiness.
This leads to low self-esteem, anxiety and stress too. Your maximum energy is spend on pleasing people and you don’t have time to take care of yourself. Hence this creates an unhealthy balance in your life. So if you feel you have any signs of people-pleaser, then nothing to worry as there is always a way where there is a will. keep reading to know how to stop being a people-pleaser.
Ways to stop being a people-pleaser
Here are some simple ways to stop being a people-pleaser.
1) Prioritize your own priority
It is important to give priority to our own need as an individual is responsible for his/her own well being. No doubt help others whenever it is required but don’t let yourself be taken for granted. Choose yourself as your priority as you are the best person to work on yourself and grow better each day. Rather than spending time on others just to please them and in return they take it as it is your duty to make them happy.
You may like to read : How To Slow Down And Enjoy Life
2) Set your limits
Set a limit for yourself on how much you can spend your time and energy for other people. As you can’t exhaust yourself just to make people feel good because if this goes on you will be empty for yourself. It will make you feel less worthy and depressed. Hence set your priorities and limit to take care of yourself as you are the only person responsible for yourself to grow better and become a happier person each day.
3) Learn to say NO
This is one of the most important practice to learn to avoid yourself from falling in the trap of pleasing people. Often many people find it difficult to say no and just to please the other people they say “yes” unwillingly. And this way people start utilizing your this nature of accepting offers easily. So you become easy target of people. And here you are the sufferer who is deprived of happiness while making other people happy.
So next time don’t go out of your limit to say yes. If you find it difficult just take time and think whether you have enough on your plate so that you can pass it to others. If no then just avoid politely as thinking of yourself is not being selfish.
4) Make a note that you can’t please everyone
It is not possible to make everyone happy in this world. You may be a kind person but everyone around you may not have the same personality of valuing your kindness. Your same act of kindness for different people cannot make everyone happy. Many people will take advantage of your generosity. So always remember it is not possible to please everyone. Stay right to yourself and don’t forget to choose happiness for yourself.
5) Don’t seek for validation
Human beings thrive for positive feedback from people around them, as a result they seek for validation from outsiders. And hence they keep pleasing people in order to get validation from them. The need of external validation also affects your self-confidence. You start feeling low and incapable. It is not harmful to receive feedback from others once in a while but if you totally depend on others for suggestion, you fail to take some major decisions of your life. Always trust yourself as you know yourself the best and you can only validate yourself. There are many ways shared by HealthShots that will help you to avoid seeking validation from others.
